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Argentine Tango: How To Ask A Woman To Dance
By Sylvie Strong
When you first step into a "milonga" or Argentine tango hall, you may be a little confused at what you are seeing. Men and women from across the room from each other get up to dance without speaking first, and, after their dance is done, go back to where they were sitting before and never speak to each other again that night. What you watching is the ritual of the "Cabeceo," a sophisticated form of non-verbal communication. If you want to have fun dancing Argentine tango, you need to master the Cabeceo. Look around the room and you will notice that men and women are sitting in tables facing each other, usually in small single sex groups. There are some couples that walked in together, but they are usually seated in the back because the hosts believed that they would dance only with each other that night. The seating arrangement in a milonga is designed to facilitate the Cabeceo. Now look carefully, and you will see the Cabeceo in action. As the next song starts, a man will stare intently at a woman sitting across the room. She will be casually scanning the room but will notice his attention and will make deliberate eye contact with him. They will lock eyes for two seconds. He will give a slight flick of his eyes towards the dance floor. She will give a brief nod. Then he will walk over to her table, offer her his arm, and escort her to the dance floor. When the dances are finished (usually a couple dances a set of four songs known as a "tanda"), he will escort her back to her table. Couples will usually make about 30 seconds of small talk at the outset of each song before they embrace and begin to dance but there is generally no conversation before they step onto the dance floor or after they leave it. I have heard many explanations of the origins of the Cabeceo, and frankly, I do not think anyone knows for sure. Given Tango's brothel roots, perhaps you can imagine the rugged macho way a man would ask a prostitute to the dance floor with the confident flick of his eyes. While that is one theory, I think the Cabeceo has more to do with the fact that in older times single women generally went to dance halls escorted and chaperoned by watchful family members. The Cabeceo was a nice way to ask for a dance without having to go all the way to a table full of your intended dance partner's extended family and verbally ask for a dance. Plus, imagine the eyes on you while you slinked back to your table if rejected? So now is your big moment. You are in an Argentine tango dance hall and are ready to dance! Spend some time casually scanning the room for women that you would like to dance with. Do not openly make eye contact with them. When the next song starts, directly look at a seated woman you want to dance with. Look at her until you are sure that she knows you are looking. If she looks back at you, hold her gaze and slightly nod or flick your eyes towards the dance hall and then return to staring. She will give a slight nod back (or even if she doesn't the eye contact is enough of a cue). Get up, continue holding her gaze, and walk up to her table to offer her your arm and escort her to the dance floor. If, rather than making eye contact with you, she appears to be looking away, then she has indicated that she does not wish to dance at this time. Look at a different woman and begin the Cabeceo again. Do not take it personally if a woman does not return your glance. There are many reasons why a woman may not want to dance with you. She could be tired. She could be intent on dancing with someone else. Or, she may be concerned that you are not an experienced enough dancer for her. Do not worry, there are plenty of other women that will be eager to dance with you. Even though men initiate the Cabeceo, women are not entirely passive. Often they turn their bodies towards men they want to dance with and glance generally in their direction to be ready to respond if their preferred partner asks them to dance. Once you start dancing Argentine tango you will start to be able to read this body language. As you may imagine, there are sometimes misunderstandings in Cabeceo. Women believe they have been asked to dance by a man, only to realize that he has been trying to ask the woman sitting behind them. Two men approach the same woman, each believing that she has agreed to dance with them. Always try to be courteous and respectful of the feelings of others. If the wrong woman gets up to dance with you, give her a great dance and look for your intended partner next time. Although in Buenos Aires, men always ask women to dance, the rules can be more relaxed in other places. For instance, in the United States, it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask a man to dance. And in the United States, it is fine to verbalize a request to dance rather than to use the Cabeceo, even though the Cabeceo is still fun to try. If you would prefer, sidle over to your intended dance partner at the snack line and ask her if she would like to dance the next song! Learn and practice the Cabeceo. It may seem strange at first, but soon you will realize that it is really kind of fun. |
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Oh this is sooooo incredibly cool! Couple the Cabeceo with one the most sensual (or is it sensuous?) and romantic dances in the world -- the tango...
I think my wife might have a problem with me trying this 
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